David Cameron: Just Tell The Hospital You Fell Down the Stairs

Dying of cancer? Fuck you. Get a job

(Image source: Make Your Own David Cameron Poster.)

People say Conservatives in government are taking tough action because they don’t care. But the opposite is true. We’re taking those decisions because we do care. About ourselves.

We care about the kind of country our children are going to grow up in, the children of Eton and Harrow; by burdening the poor with increasing debts that limit their life choices, our children can profit from opportunities available only to them while we pretend that success is all about hard work and push for more tax cuts for ourselves.

We care about giving people dignity in old age, which is why we’re making difficult decisions today to work them until they drop – so my friends and I can enjoy our private pensions system tomorrow without poor old people cluttering up the place. We care about keeping a health service that delivers excellent profits in a market free-for-all, which is why we’re prioritising markets and not treatment.

And that’s the point I want to make today. It’s only by taking tough and bold action that we will make our country stronger. True compassion isn’t wearing your heart on your sleeve – it’s rolling up those sleeves, loosening your tie, ordering another jug of Pimm’s and taking the long-term decisions that will really change our country for the better for people like me and Rebekah and my other friends in the press, such as destroying the welfare net before the cuts really kick in and millions more lose their jobs. We don’t want to pay a penny more in taxes than we can’t already legally avoid and a surplus of starving peasants helps keep the cost of employing servants down.

Pip! Pip!

[Guest post by David Cameron]

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